underthenerdhood:

a little girl who grows up thinking all doors are automatic but actually she’s haunted by a really polite ghost

natural-frown:

superlockedinthephandom:

thelongdarktea-timeofthesoul:

fasterfood:

what happens if an undercover cop posing as a drug dealer deals to an undercover cop posing as a drug buyer

I read about where something similar to this happened except they were investigating prostitution and they arrested each other and like a year later ended up getting married. 

it sounds like the plot of a fanfic

that was a sub plot in dexter.

pupbutt:

why say nip slip when peek-a-boob is so much better

FRIENDLY REMINDER FOR US COLLEGE-BOUND STUDENTS

howtogrowthefuckup:

SO HELP ME GOD YOU LITTLE SHITS BETTER USE FAFSA.GOV TO FILL OUT YOUR FUCKING FAFSA.

IF YOU PAY $88 TO FILE YOUR FAFSA AT FAFSA.COM, I WILL SMACK THE DUMB LOOK RIGHT OFF YOUR DAMN FACES. FAFSA.COM IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH THE US DEPARTMENT OF ED. THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE WHO WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY AND CHARGE YOU TO FILL OUT A FREE FORM.  A FREE FUCKING FORM. FREE IS THE FIRST WORD IN THE ACRONYM!

.GOV IS LOVE. .COM IS A PUTRID POOL OF FUCKERY.

-THE VERY ANGRY SUDDEN ADULT

keytotruth:

video games are a wonderful escape from reality until you see your reflection in the loading screen

railroadsoftware:

person: so what have you been up to
me: (speaking very humble) well, I just got some new carpet.. it’s plush…
person: (trying not to sound envious) pl… plush? wow. I hear thats the nicest of all carpets
me: oh it’s nothing..

cyanblur:

nintendo???

cyanblur:

nintendo???

nintenclo:

my parents’ initials are bs and ja and when they were dating they used to call each other bull shit and jack ass and i think that’s beautiful

are you really lactose intolerant?
Anonymous

bombing:

no but i’d gladly lie to keep a bunch of bloodthirsty cows away from me and my precious stamp collection

the-study-of-wumbo:

stereolights:

It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just forever alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips

maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife

the-study-of-wumbo:

stereolights:

It’s like his snoring got so bad that his wife left him and now he’s just forever alone with his extra-strength Breathe Right strips

maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife